


Unanswered Questions

by indyana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Castiel Asks Questions (Supernatural), Drinking, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Gen, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Present Tense, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29911380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indyana/pseuds/indyana
Summary: Castiel, Angel of the Lord, finds there is much he doesn't understand about humanity.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Kudos: 1





	Unanswered Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Timestamp Season 4  
> Possible trigger warnings: Dark emotional places and unhealthy coping mechanisms

Castiel is standing a few feet away from Dean, unseen, watching as he tilts a glass tumbler back and forth, swishing the amber liquid inside into a tiny whirlpool. The hunter's dark blond hair looks almost black in the dim lighting, with garish red highlights reflecting from one of the neon signs on the back wall. This bar is one of the louder ones, the pulsing music filled with drums and bass, the voices of the bar patrons rising into shouting to be heard. Dean is talking to no one. The way his shoulders are hunched and his elbows are caging him in seems to let the other humans know he does not wish for conversation. He's barely said three words to the bartender. Perhaps he chose the loud establishment to match his mood that evening.

A large man with a shaved and glistening head lumbers his way toward Castiel on his way to the bathroom, and the invisible angel directs him to pass around his position without a conscious effort. Tonight is going to be one of Dean Winchester's bad nights. He much prefers it when Dean soothes himself with grease and sugar, filling space in his stomach just to feel full. He likes it even more when Dean goes out armed with a mischievous smile and a wink to tempt another human into copulation. Nothing Dean does bothers Castiel as much as this other, more sinister indulgence. The alcohol that Dean believes quiets his unpleasant thoughts does so much worse, darkening his aura, dragging down its normal vibrancy into sluggish churns.

Aspects of humanity continue to baffle Castiel. They make themselves feel bad to feel better, in a myriad of ways. They constantly question their worth and compare themselves to others. They lose themselves in unconscious rituals and trample over the beauty in the world around them. Castiel knows all humans do this, not just Dean Winchester and his brother Sam. The Winchesters are simply the humans that Castiel gets to interact with most closely in his duties on Earth.

Getting to know the Winchesters has only given Castiel more questions rather than provided answers about humanity. Sam and Dean deceive and berate one another as much as they love and support. They may one moment be assessing the humans around them with the cold gazes of soldiers in battle and the next be offering kindness and hope to strangers. They expect Castiel to hear and heed them at any moment from worlds away and yet whisper about him when he only stands in the next room. Yes, humanity is filled with contradictions, and Castiel is frustrated to find he still cannot accurately predict what extreme will manifest in any given scenario.

But he does know how tonight will go; he sees the pattern in Dean's behavior. He's beginning to understand the emotion that drives it. He doesn't know yet how the human would name it… whether it's loneliness or despair. But there's a want, an _empty_ inside Dean. All he does is meant to fill it or distract from it or dull it.

Well, not _all_ he does. Dean wouldn't be a human without contradictions, after all. Some of Dean's actions, especially around hunting and his brother, come from a deep well of altruism, the sparkling, golden purity of soul that made him the Righteous Man.

Castiel had wondered at first if he was to blame for Dean's affliction. If perhaps he made a mistake when he reshaped and repaired the tangled mess that surrounded the man's flickering soul after he dragged him from Hell. But glimpses into the past have shown him the same shadow over the young man. Hell has perhaps accentuated it, left Dean raw, but it has always been a part of him.

It is a mystery to Castiel why God has made it so. Why humans are so irreconcilable at all. Perhaps angels are not made to understand such things. It is their duty to serve the Lord. ...But Castiel has discovered he has a want inside as well. He wants to know _why_ , to understand.

This is the reason he continues to lurk in the dingy bar by Dean Winchester's side when he should be in Heaven busying himself with battle strategy. He watches Dean down the drink he has been staring at for at least fifteen minutes, tipping back his head to take it in a single swallow, throat undulating, before sliding out the empty glass and motioning to the bartender for another. He observes the Righteous Man, a soul that gleams bright enough to be found in the very depths of Hell, drowning in thoughts of loss and self-loathing. He watches that dazzling aura grow dim.

And Castiel, Angel of the Lord, wonders why.

**Author's Note:**

> "He explained to me with great insistence that every question possessed a power that did not lie in the answer." - Elie Wiesel, Night


End file.
